The Rise of the Guardian Fanfiction Debate
by Leah Sora-Parker
Summary: In which, Jack thinks about why he loves his family and why he hates these meetings. WARNING: CRACK! CONTAINS RAINBOWS, JACKRABBITS, AND SHAMELESS AUTHOR INSERTATION! Really, it's just crack! :3 Now complete with unironic sequel inside.
1. RotG Fanfiction Debate

**I mean this as no offence! Seriously, this is just crack!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't think DreamWorks wants to be charged for illegal drug use, since this was clearly written on it.**

* * *

Jack Frost loved his sister. He would gladly give his life to save her time and time again. He would go to the ends of the earth to find her. He would be her hero on the ice, or her villain_ under _the ice, whichever she needed.

Jack Frost also loved the Guardians. They were his family and he would do anything to keep them together. He would do anything they asked of him, even if it tore him apart. He would even suffer isolation again if it meant keeping them safe.

And of course, Jack Frost also loved Jamie, his first believer, and the Burgess kids. He was willing to face Pitch all over again if it meant no harm would come their way. He would protect them always, even if it meant that they would hate him. He would always look out for them, even if it meant they wouldn't believe anymore.

(He could give a rat's ass about Pitch.)

He would do anything for them.

But when it came to Fanfiction dot Net, that's where he drew the line.

Jack Frost loved snowballs. They were little bundles of fun and it always caused delight whenever one was thrown. Battles and wars would be waged, and the only thing that would win was the cold. To Jack, snowball fights were like heaven's sport, and the snowball was the ball. But when the annual meeting for the RotG Fanfiction Debate came up, and all the characters (and I do mean _all_) would converge into one big melting pot, well, things just snowballed out of control.

First there were the OC's. They were _everywhere._ In the doorways, under the table, in the freaking closet that was in the room for some odd reason. Now, Jack could understand that yeah, sometimes you need OC's to advance the plot, or that it might just be a lot of fun to write about your OC with your favorite character. But _seriously?! _Every other story that _wasn't _about a collection of oneshots or Pitch getting revenge or an AU, was a freaking _romance_ novel! Again, don't get Jack wrong, he thought it was sweet of the fans to do this, but it got too old, too fast. And the whole 'new guardian' business? Didn't they know that being chosen as a Guardian was, I don't know, _rare?_

Jack sighed and really hoped that the fangirls (or fanboys, don't discriminate!) weren't reading this. Then he scowled as he realized that one of them was probably writing this.

* * *

And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl that was hunched over her computer screen sneezed.

* * *

Next was the OOC-ness. It created an absolute mess for them, twisting and distorting their emotions. A lot of things happened due to it... like how one time, Jack kept breaking down crying every few seconds _for no absolute reason._ He shuddered as he recalled it. Another time, North was working quietly at workbench, not saying a word. At all. Not a single time that day. It was horrifying. Then there was this one time when a rabid JackRabbit shipper came up with this story and some things got out of hand, and oh how hot he felt when Bunny-

_No, Jack, no. That is the inner fangirl the authoress has put in you, _Jack reminded himself.

* * *

And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl that was hunched over her computer screen smiled and said, "Yes. Yes it is."

* * *

But the absolute worst thing was 'The Pitch Perfect Incident.' Even now, he still had nightmares about the fully grown Nightmare King in a pink dress ("Robe!" Pitch yells in the background, wrestling with some random OC for no apparent reason), singing an off tune 'Cups' song, with rainbow-unicorn Nightmares galloping in step. Oh moon, _why?_

But the Debate wasn't horrible. He got to see his sister again, and the vague voice that was his mother. They sat together and reminisced about good times, although the movie only showed bits and pieces for about 30 seconds before they decided to go ahead and jump to the death scene. Sheesh, what was it with people wanting to kill him?

"Jack," his sister called to him, bringing his attention back to the present. He glanced down at her and gave a 'hmm?' sound.

She rolled her eyes at him before saying the words Jack had been dreading all day. "Why is my character slot just 'Jack's Sister'?"

And like Jack feared, all hell broke lose.

"Well, at least _you _aren't forgotten," Pippa snarled at her, with Jamie shaking behind her. "They use my name for you!"

"Yeah, well," Cupcake joined in, not wanting to be left out of the catfight. "_You _aren't named about a freaking snack!"

Arguments flew through the air, as well as punches, kicks, and a few teeth to Tooth's delight and dismay.

"NAME STEALER!"

"RANDOM KID IN TOWN!"

"WHY COULDN'T I BE NAMED ECLAIR?! IT'S SO MUCH PRETTIER!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

"EASTER!"

"TEETH!"

_*THIS IS FOR STABBING ME IN THE BACK, B*TCH!*_

"THIS IS FOR RAINBOW!"

Everyone stopped and stared at Pitch.

"What? He's my Nightmare!"

The fighting resumed.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!"

"SAYS MISTER 'JACK-FROST'S-FIRST-BELIEVER'!"

"YOU MAIN CHARACTER!"

"SERIOUSLY, MONTY?! THEY COULDN'T THINK OF A DORKIER NAME?!"

Throughout it all, Jack was the only one who had not raised his voice, complained, or had gotten engaged in a fight. He was quietly sneaking his way to the doors, out to freedom. Unfortunately, it seemed that luck was not at his side today, or he was stuck in a really bad fanfiction.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" Bunny roared, yanking the poor spirit back into the chaos.

_Damn you authoress! _Jack thought.

* * *

And somewhere out there in the universe, a teenaged girl hunched over her computer screen cackled in delight and cried, "DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!"

* * *

Jack Frost loved his sister. He also loved his new family, the Guardians. And of course, he loved his believers, Jamie and the Burgess kids. But when he ended up with several hickies (not pointing any fingers here... BUNNY! XD), an urge to do the Macarena, covered in glitter and what suspiciously looked like hot sauce, unable to get off his ass and walk, somehow ending up in a motel in freaking _Mexico_, and feeling as though he ate one of North's fruitcakes, that's where he drew the line. Unfortunately, the line had been drawn in pencil and was easily erased. Maybe next time he should draw it with marker-wait, that would smear. _Permanent _marker then, yes.

Now he had could either wallow in self-pity for the next few hours or he could go and confront said people.

He decided to screw it all and blame it on the OCC-ness. And the authoress.

* * *

And somewhere in the universe, a teenaged girl hunched over her computer screen finally turned and looked at the audience. "The End!"

* * *

**As I said before, no offence!**


	2. (Un) Ironic Sequel

**Fuuuuuuuuck... I don't even...**

**Dave: This is the unironic sequel to "The Rise of the Guardians Fanfiction Debate."**

**HOLY SHI-WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!**

**Dave: I've always been here. Ironically.**

**No, NO, WE ARE ****_NOT _****DOING THIS BRO! This isn't even your fandom. Seriously, what the hell?**

**Dave: *shrug* I have no fucking idea. You can't outrun what's already here.**

**OHMYGOG, NO. Just-just no more HS based jokes.**

**Dave: *shrug X2 COMBO AND I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T DOING THIS. (THIS IS STUPID.)* Fine whatever.**

**Just do the damn disclaimer already. And ****_without _****a rap.**

**Dave: 'Kay. Leah here doesn't own shit. She does, however, own drugs as this fic was written on crack.**

***le sign***

* * *

Jack Frost was a rather curious person. But we all know the saying, "Curiosity killed the cat." Which stayed dead and buried, because whoever said that satisfaction brought it back was a dirty, dirty liar. Which was all rather unfortunate for Jack, for he was feeling very curious at the moment.

It was another meeting day and while he loved taking part in games and fun, these meetings were anything _but _fun. In fact, to be honest, they kind of scared him a little. But that wasn't the point right now, he had something important to do today. Something important that included a certain Bunny and a closet. *hint, hint, nudge, nudge*

Right now, he was playing his cool. Waiting, watching, analyzing. He was a snake, waiting to pounce on his prey which was...

A bunny.

WELL. Metaphors don't get any simpler than that.

First, though, he had to make (or find) a distraction. What to do, what to do... Hmm... There was the OC's with their vast numbers, surely he could cause a stampede... Wait, no, someone could get hurt... Mainly him because that's most likely what they would stampede about... What about Pitch, surely he could... wait, no, what if it was a repeat of the whole **BLACK PITCH** incident... seriously, how the hell was he suppose to know Pitch would go all emo on him like that?!

Giving a sigh, the winter spirit lazily rolls onto his stomach from his hiding spot under the table. (He really hopes that the thing in the corner is Pitch or some Nightmare because OH MY GOD IT'S LOOKING AT YOU DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT, DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.) Glancing out for beneath his confines (the table had on a table cover that almost reached to the floor), he spotted a tiny pair of shoes with bells on them. He grinned to himself.

This was going to be fun.

* * *

Thirty seconds later and with a new partner in crime, Jack sets about to organizing his army. Which is to say, Jack bribed the elves with cookies and the Easter Elf just smiled through the whole thing. Jack swears to this day that he only gave _one_ cookie to each elf. Okay, maybe two. Or three. Or a lot. Or a whole fucking lot. Hey, he didn't just say "screw it" and handed over what he knew to be North's super special secret stash now, did he? Okay, maybe he did but it's not like it matters!

Right?

* * *

It takes exactly five minutes for everyone to clear the room. Wow, you didn't know that apparently fruit cake was flammable and that the elves might be slight pyromaniacs when under the influence of sugar. Go figure. You also didn't know that North could run that fast but man, can that Santa book it. Now, though, as the last of the cute but sadly not very helpful OC's straggle out, it's just you and Bunny. Why he stayed behind so long is a mystery but hey, who are you to question the Yaoi Fanfiction Authoress Moons of the Universe? Now's your chance!

...And why the hell has that last paragraph written in second person?

Jack outwardly huffs at this and Bunny sends him a questionable look but he ignores it. Focusing, he uses his staff to let snow fall in the room, helping put out the fire. Bunny gives him a look that asks why he didn't do that before. Jack just shrugs.

"What did you really want with me mate?" Bunny asks. Jack gives a thoughtful look before answering.

"Bunny, get in the closet."

"What?"

"Get in the closet."

"What-no!"

"Get in the closet."

"Moondammit Jack, I just spent the last couple of hours in there hiding from the fangirls, I am not going back in!"

"Get in the closet."

"No, I just came out!"

"Bunny."

"No."

"Bunny please."

"NO Jack."

"Bunny, pretty please. It's for... other stuff."

"Other... stuff?"

"Yeah, other stuff. Like Fanfiction other stuff."

"O-Oh... Are you sure you're ready?"

"As ready as I'll every be so get in the closet already Cottontail!"

"Alright, if you insist."

They both enter the closet and Bunny can tell that Jack is visibly excited. His eyes are glowing and he can't keep that grin off his face, hovering for a bit before walking again and then switching back to hovering. The winter spirit really is excited.

"I can't wait Bunny," Jack says, giving a twirl and a smile.

"You're really eager about this, aren't you?" Bunny asks, not quite believing what he was seeing. Jack liked to put up a fight, make it a competition between the two. Something about this was fishy...

"Yeah, I can't wait to see Narnia!"

"...WHAT?!"

* * *

**And that the end! I really only made this sequel because when I reread my crack oneshot I was like, "OMG, I PUT A RANDOM CLOSET IN THE ROOM! IT'S NARNIA!" Thus the birth of this fic! XD**

Where the hell are we?

_This isn't Narnia!_

**O_O Wut?**

You!

_You're the authoress lady, aren't you?_

**O_o WTF?!**

Woah, what the bloody-what's wrong with your eyes?!

_*snickers* Can you teach me how to do that? I can't wait to try it out on Bunny!_

**No, no, no, nonononono. You guys aren't even suppose to be here. Fuck.**

Yeah, well, we're here now shelia.

_Right, what the Bunny said._

**...did you really just say that? Oh moon, you're adorable Jack.**

Back off, he's mine.

_...are you another fangirl that's going to rip my shirt off?_

**No, I won't. But fuck, I need to send you guys back. You're not suppose to be in the AN?**

AN?

_(Psst, it stand for Author Note. Don't ask questions, we might send her off on a rant.)_

(Oh moon, not another one. I already have Tooth on my back for putting candy in my eggs.)

**(Just so you guys know, I can totally read these parenthesis marks that either mean your talking quietly or thinking and fuck, I'm thinking aren't I. Shit.)**

_Um..._

You've been staring for quite a while now...

**Sorry, now-**

_**SHIT!**_

**WHO THE FUCK IS IT NOW?!**

_**YO, PAST ME, IS IT TOO LA-OH SHIT.**_

**...**

_..._

...

**Welp. This isn't awkward at all. Why the hell is future me wearing a Sylph of Time God Tier costume?**

_**Shit goes down in the future. Or rather, in a future story you been planning on writing in a couple of months. And no, we are not shamelessly plugging right now, it's just advertising.**_

**...riiiiiiiight. Anyways, how do I get rid of these two?**

_Huh?_

Excuse me?

_**Easy, just snap your fingers. Your the fucking authoress, remember?**_

**Oh yeah... *snap***

_**Well, now that they're gone, I'm going to try to go back again and stop this conversation from happening.**_

**But it already is...?**

_**Shush, doomed timeline stuff.**_

**Oh.**

_**As the Sylph of Time, I have to "heal" the timeline which is complete bullshit but whatever. Anymore questions before I peace out of here?**_

**Why do we cuss so much?**

_**Best. Fucking. Question. Ever. Because it's fun and a crack fic.**_

**Okay then.**

_**Shameless plug?**_

**Shameless plug. So, I have another RotG Fic called "Dear Future" about Jack's Memories. Yeah, you can go read it. I also have several other fics from several other fandoms you can choose from.**

_**I'm working on a project that involves a second account, which I have set up, that I've already mentioned here. Or am working on, since I'm the Future Leah and stuff.**_

**Anyways, we-or it's really just I, isn't it?-hope to see you soon!**

_**Peace.**_

**(...I have no idea why I wrote this.)**

**(No fucking idea.)**


End file.
